did you get engaged???
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
