i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
