Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
