You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
