im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
