How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
