margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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