I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
