Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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