I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
