never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
