I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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