I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
