It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
