I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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