Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
