I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
