I faked an abortion last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
