At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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