Its about making memories worth repressing
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
