I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
