I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
