Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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