White coat. Heels.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
