I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
