Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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