If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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