you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
