in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
