You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
