last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
