Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
