4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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