Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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