I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
