Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
