i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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