why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
