Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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