now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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