bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
