so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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