turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
