He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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