Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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