I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
