I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
