I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
