I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
