He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
