best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
