You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm too high and old for this...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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