Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
