i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Randomize
