She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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